Ext. Bricked Alley between Roux House and Stroube’s outside of the Manship.
Tony Murray paces in the alley as his movie plays and smokes an e-cig. Joy pushes through the door, smoke in mouth, rummaging in her purse for her lighter.
Joy Dammit. Got a light?
Tony Sorry. (He shows the e-cig)
Joy What is that?
Tony It’s an electronic cigarette.
Joy A what? You’re kidding right? (He hands it to her. She tries it.) You kids can’t do anything right.
Tony It’s supposed to be better for you.
Joy We’re not out here for our health, you know? The fire’s half the fun. (Pause) You escaping that piece of shit in there too?
Tony Sort of.
Joy What sort of narcissistic asshole produces a thing like that?
Tony I don’t know.
Joy C’mon, human crustacean zombies? How dumb do you think we are?
Tony It supposed to be a metaphor.
Joy A metaphor? For what?
Tony The environment.
Joy How do you know that?
Tony Because I wrote it.
Joy Oh. I see. (She takes him in) So why aren’t you in there? (Pause)
Tony Because I hate it.
Joy You hate it?
Tony I hate it.
Joy That makes two of us.
Tony I didn’t think it would turn out like this. Kind of got away from what I originally intended. Just trying to do the right thing.
Joy The right thing? For who?
Tony I don’t know. My fans?
Joy How’s that working out?
Tony Not so well.
Joy. Let me ask you question. What do you love?
Tony What do I love?
Joy And I’m not talking about football, or food, or movies or your house or any of that. I’m talking about what moves you. Changes you. What do you love so much you know it your gut?
Tony I don’t know. (Pause) I love this place. I love where I’m from.
Joy Really?
Tony I do. I love the people, their energy. The soul you can only find Louisiana.
Joy So why not write about that?
Tony It’s hard.
Joy Damn right it’s hard. Listen, there comes a time, for all us, when we put our flag in the ground and say, this is what I stand for. This is what I love. Maybe it’s that time for you. Try it for a little while. See how it goes. (Pause) I’m gonna go back in and see if I can choke down the rest of that shit sandwich of movie.
How about this as a start for a rewrite of this scene?
CUT. SCENE 19: A BABY SHOWER PART 2. INT. SAME AS BEFORE- KITCHEN Kristina and Jessica have clearly moved to the kitchen away from the chaos. They both have beers or something alcoholic in their hands.
JESSICA: So… how are you?
KRISTINA: I think that I hate that question.
JESSICA: What?
KRISTINA: I hate that stupid-head-tilt, dopey-eyed question. It makes me sick.
JESSICA: Sorry I was just asking.
KRISTINA: No. It’s not you. It’s just such a pain the ass. I hate being pitied. I want this to be celebrated. (The girls sip their drinks in silence)
JESSICA: Well, how about we go out tonight. Let’s drink away our troubles. I love your sister but this is NOT a party.
KRISTINA: This was never meant to be a party. This is a commercialized tradition to see who gives the most imaginative and posh gifts.
JESSICA: (Smiling) That was kind of mean.
KRISTINA: Oh, you know I’m happy for her. I just hate getting the “aw, poor thing” looks right after they ooooh and aaah over her inflated belly.
JESSICA: So then it’s set. We are going to go out tonight and get absolutely plastered. If we can celebrate your sisters ability to expel a little slimy ball of goo… well three little slimy balls of goo (shudders)… then we can celebrate you ability to ditch you deadbeat husband.
KRISTINA: Sounds good to me. (The girls continue to drink their beers. Until Audra waddles in and they both quickly try to hide their contraband)
AUDRA: Are you drinking at my baby shower? (Kristina and Jessica look at each other sheepishly)
And this is a rewrite I created to incorporate some of the things we said in class about Audra, Jess and my character. Thoughts?
CUT. SCENE 34: INT. CAR. Kristina and Audra are sitting in the front seat of a car. Jessica is lying in the back. Kristina looks rough. Her hair is a mess her make up is everywhere. And she is still wearing the same clothes from earlier
KRISTINA: Can we talk about this?
AUDRA: What? What exactly would you like to talk about?
KRISTINA: I’m really sorry…
AUDRA: You’re really sorry? You are really sorry that I just had to bail you out of JAIL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
KRISTINA: Yes. (Silence)
AUDRA: I am so sick and tired of your shit Kristina.
KRISTINA: My shit? Audra, I’m getting a divorce. I’m doing the best I can. I didn’t choose this.
AUDRA: Choose it? No, but you have choices now. You get to go back to the beginning. YOU get to go back to the stuff that makes sense to you.
KRISTINA: What are you talking about?
AUDRA: I am about to be a mother!!!!! I am going to push out THREE little pink wrinkly things. I didn’t choose this! And now I’m scared shitless of trying to teach them not to be sluts, or murderers, or republicans. Times three!
KRISTINA: Audra, what is going on with you?
AUDRA: (Silence)
KRISTINA: (Delicately) I thought you wanted a baby?
AUDRA: I do! In theory. But I want a JC Penny Baby. You know the kind that smiles and doesn’t poop. (She begins to sob)
KRISTINA: Audra, I had no idea you were so nervous.
AUDRA: (Sobbing harder) Oh that is not even the worst of it. Do you think my husband is REALLY going to want to sleep with me when he’s seen my vagina look like some kind of sea world massacre?
KRISTINA: Audra, Eric loves you.
AUDRA: It doesn’t matter. We are going into to this scary awful new place… and you…
KRISTINA: Audra. Please don’t cry.
AUDRA: No! I want to cry! You get to go back to the fun stuff. You get to go back to the good stuff. Don’t you think I want to get drunk and arrested?
KRISTINA: No, you don’t. Trust me. (The girls sit in quietly for a moment. Kristina turns the radio on Jessica groans in the back seat as the familiar opening notes of “All by Myself “ by Celine Dion begins to play. Jessica sits up groggily.)
JESSICA: Ladies, shut up! You are having three babies, Audra! Three! I can’t have babies naturally with the love of my life, when I find her. And Kristina, you’ve been married! I don’t even have the legal right to get married. So cry for a Whaaambulance somewhere else. And turn up the radio. This is my jam!! (She begins earnestly to sing along with the song. It’s all a little pathetic.) Kristina and Audra exchange a look… there is a worse.
Different diologue for Katrina Chia-Wen first encounter. KATRINA: Catching a bus, eh?
CHIA-WEN: I hope to. For the swamp tour?
KATRINA: Absolutely, Louisiana has the largest swamp in the US. Big tourist pull.
CHIA-WEN: I have heard it is beautiful.
KATRINA: I think so, but they’re not what they used to be. Still, worth seeing while you can. We lose a football field every hour so we better get you there fast! (smiles) (Looks at the map)Beauty is in the eye of the beholder or something like that, right?
Just a side note about the new Joy/Katrina scene to be written. Just want to throw out my instincts that the conversation should be about change, how Katrina doesn't want things to change, upset that things change, and Joy says, change is life, embrace it. The Historian of Science Morris Berman, once said in a lecture he gave at Antioch University in Seattle, "The spongy uncertainty may be the solid place." This Quote has haunted me all week, so thought it may be helpful. "The process of living is a process of learning to live with change" -Peggy Hackney
We can make comments on the script drafts here.
ReplyDeleteScene 31 Rewrite 1
ReplyDeleteExt. Bricked Alley between Roux House and Stroube’s outside of the Manship.
Tony Murray paces in the alley as his movie plays and smokes an e-cig. Joy pushes through the door, smoke in mouth, rummaging in her purse for her lighter.
Joy
Dammit. Got a light?
Tony
Sorry. (He shows the e-cig)
Joy
What is that?
Tony
It’s an electronic cigarette.
Joy
A what? You’re kidding right? (He hands it to her. She tries it.)
You kids can’t do anything right.
Tony
It’s supposed to be better for you.
Joy
We’re not out here for our health, you know? The fire’s half the fun.
(Pause)
You escaping that piece of shit in there too?
Tony
Sort of.
Joy
What sort of narcissistic asshole produces a thing like that?
Tony
I don’t know.
Joy
C’mon, human crustacean zombies? How dumb do you think we are?
Tony
It supposed to be a metaphor.
Joy
A metaphor? For what?
Tony
The environment.
Joy
How do you know that?
Tony
Because I wrote it.
Joy
Oh. I see.
(She takes him in)
So why aren’t you in there?
(Pause)
Tony
Because I hate it.
Joy
You hate it?
Tony
I hate it.
Joy
That makes two of us.
Tony
I didn’t think it would turn out like this. Kind of got away from what I originally intended. Just trying to do the right thing.
Joy
The right thing? For who?
Tony
I don’t know. My fans?
Joy
How’s that working out?
Tony
Not so well.
Joy.
Let me ask you question. What do you love?
Tony
What do I love?
Joy
And I’m not talking about football, or food, or movies or your house or any of that. I’m talking about what moves you. Changes you. What do you love so much you know it your gut?
Tony
I don’t know.
(Pause)
I love this place. I love where I’m from.
Joy
Really?
Tony
I do. I love the people, their energy. The soul you can only find Louisiana.
Joy
So why not write about that?
Tony
It’s hard.
Joy
Damn right it’s hard. Listen, there comes a time, for all us, when we put our flag in the ground and say, this is what I stand for. This is what I love. Maybe it’s that time for you. Try it for a little while. See how it goes.
(Pause)
I’m gonna go back in and see if I can choke down the rest of that shit sandwich of movie.
Tony watches her go in. Cut.
I dig it
DeleteHow about this as a start for a rewrite of this scene?
ReplyDeleteCUT. SCENE 19: A BABY SHOWER PART 2. INT. SAME AS BEFORE- KITCHEN
Kristina and Jessica have clearly moved to the kitchen away from the chaos. They both have beers or something alcoholic in their hands.
JESSICA:
So… how are you?
KRISTINA:
I think that I hate that question.
JESSICA:
What?
KRISTINA:
I hate that stupid-head-tilt, dopey-eyed question. It makes me sick.
JESSICA:
Sorry I was just asking.
KRISTINA:
No. It’s not you. It’s just such a pain the ass. I hate being pitied. I want this to be celebrated.
(The girls sip their drinks in silence)
JESSICA:
Well, how about we go out tonight. Let’s drink away our troubles. I love your sister but this is NOT a party.
KRISTINA:
This was never meant to be a party. This is a commercialized tradition to see who gives the most imaginative and posh gifts.
JESSICA:
(Smiling)
That was kind of mean.
KRISTINA:
Oh, you know I’m happy for her. I just hate getting the “aw, poor thing” looks right after they ooooh and aaah over her inflated belly.
JESSICA:
So then it’s set. We are going to go out tonight and get absolutely plastered. If we can celebrate your sisters ability to expel a little slimy ball of goo… well three little slimy balls of goo (shudders)… then we can celebrate you ability to ditch you deadbeat husband.
KRISTINA:
Sounds good to me.
(The girls continue to drink their beers. Until Audra waddles in and they both quickly try to hide their contraband)
AUDRA:
Are you drinking at my baby shower?
(Kristina and Jessica look at each other sheepishly)
And this is a rewrite I created to incorporate some of the things we said in class about Audra, Jess and my character. Thoughts?
ReplyDeleteCUT. SCENE 34: INT. CAR. Kristina and Audra are sitting in the front seat of a car. Jessica is lying in the back. Kristina looks rough. Her hair is a mess her make up is everywhere. And she is still wearing the same clothes from earlier
KRISTINA:
Can we talk about this?
AUDRA:
What? What exactly would you like to talk about?
KRISTINA:
I’m really sorry…
AUDRA:
You’re really sorry? You are really sorry that I just had to bail you out of JAIL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
KRISTINA:
Yes.
(Silence)
AUDRA:
I am so sick and tired of your shit Kristina.
KRISTINA:
My shit? Audra, I’m getting a divorce. I’m doing the best I can. I didn’t choose this.
AUDRA:
Choose it? No, but you have choices now. You get to go back to the beginning. YOU get to go back to the stuff that makes sense to you.
KRISTINA:
What are you talking about?
AUDRA:
I am about to be a mother!!!!!
I am going to push out THREE little pink wrinkly things. I didn’t choose this! And now I’m scared shitless of trying to teach them not to be sluts, or murderers, or republicans. Times three!
KRISTINA:
Audra, what is going on with you?
AUDRA:
(Silence)
KRISTINA:
(Delicately)
I thought you wanted a baby?
AUDRA:
I do! In theory. But I want a JC Penny Baby. You know the kind that smiles and doesn’t poop.
(She begins to sob)
KRISTINA:
Audra, I had no idea you were so nervous.
AUDRA:
(Sobbing harder)
Oh that is not even the worst of it. Do you think my husband is REALLY going to want to sleep with me when he’s seen my vagina look like some kind of sea world massacre?
KRISTINA:
Audra, Eric loves you.
AUDRA:
It doesn’t matter. We are going into to this scary awful new place… and you…
KRISTINA:
Audra. Please don’t cry.
AUDRA:
No! I want to cry! You get to go back to the fun stuff. You get to go back to the good stuff. Don’t you think I want to get drunk and arrested?
KRISTINA:
No, you don’t. Trust me.
(The girls sit in quietly for a moment. Kristina turns the radio on
Jessica groans in the back seat as the familiar opening notes of “All by Myself “ by Celine Dion begins to play. Jessica sits up groggily.)
JESSICA:
Ladies, shut up! You are having three babies, Audra! Three! I can’t have babies naturally with the love of my life, when I find her. And Kristina, you’ve been married! I don’t even have the legal right to get married. So cry for a Whaaambulance somewhere else. And turn up the radio. This is my jam!!
(She begins earnestly to sing along with the song. It’s all a little pathetic.)
Kristina and Audra exchange a look… there is a worse.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDifferent diologue for Katrina Chia-Wen first encounter.
DeleteKATRINA:
Catching a bus, eh?
CHIA-WEN:
I hope to. For the swamp tour?
KATRINA:
Absolutely, Louisiana has the largest swamp in the US. Big tourist pull.
CHIA-WEN:
I have heard it is beautiful.
KATRINA:
I think so, but they’re not what they used to be. Still, worth seeing while you can.
We lose a football field every hour so we better get you there fast! (smiles) (Looks at the map)Beauty is in the eye of the beholder or something like that, right?
CHIA-WEN:
Smiles
Just a side note about the new Joy/Katrina scene to be written. Just want to throw out my instincts that the conversation should be about change, how Katrina doesn't want things to change, upset that things change, and Joy says, change is life, embrace it. The Historian of Science Morris Berman, once said in a lecture he gave at Antioch University in Seattle, "The spongy uncertainty may be the solid place." This Quote has haunted me all week, so thought it may be helpful. "The process of living is a process of learning to live with change" -Peggy Hackney
ReplyDelete